If you believe just 1/10th of everyone who claims to have “an inside connection at Google” or who brags about being ”a trusted partner with Google”, then Google has some serious internal leaks.

This has always been one of my pet peaves in the mainstream agency and search marketing worlds.  Just because the Adwords Rep assigned to you this month remembers that you have a cat, it does not mean you have “an inside connection”. 

Just because you comment on Matt’s blog like a validation-seeking NSync Fan, it does not mean you “talk to Matt like ALL THE TIME!”  Matt has so whored himself out to the Webmaster Community that it’s like saying you know Kevin Bacon.  It is a proven fact that it would take just about 4 phone calls for each person on Earth to get through to Kevin Bacon.  Yet, I doubt Kevin Bacon’s phone rings all that much.  I mean, look at his career.

Just because you get a tour around the ‘Plex from Sergey and Larry…ohh, wait…David Naylor does have a connection.  Yet, allegedly, I just got penalized for linking to him.  Moving along…

Listen, Joe Arbitrary Mouthbreather.  That chick you dated in college who traded you in for the guy who designed the restaurant icon on Google Earth.  That does not count.  Unless that chick is Marissa Mayer.

The actual details of the mysterious “Google Algorithm” are not that important.  I strenuously maintain the stance that, even if Google made that thing open source, the same guys who are successful in Search now will be the banging it out if it was all revealed.  I mean, it’s not that hard.  It’s a citation-based algo.  Citation = link.  Do you honestly believe you’re going to make that much more money because you would know when to bold something?  You wouldn’t.  It’s all about emulating a trust and reputation profile in whatever Google has bounded as your semantic theme. 

So, the next time I’m in SFO or on a flight or even eating lunch around the Bay Area and I hear some marketing jagoff talking about their “inside source” at Google, I am going to take a plastic spork (gets thru TSA) and jam it into that person’s eye.  I imagine that is a felony, but I’m willing to take one for the team.

Now, granted…roughly .03% of the people I send to the Emergency Room will actually have an inside source at Google.  This is me apologizing ahead of time for that. 

So, if there is one solid piece of advice I can give to you…the SEO client with big dreams and equal naivete…if some hack not named David Naylor tells they have “an inside source at Google”, thank them for their time, gouge one of their eyes out with whatever implement is available, and then go build some links.

Did you enjoy this post? Subscribe to the RSS Feed and follow me on Twitter!