What Would Jesus Link To?

18 Responses | October 9th, 2007

What Would Jesus Link To?First of all, if you were going to say, “Not JDate, BP!”, I would tell you right now that WWJLT is more of a rhetorical question. Similarly, I do not want a bunch of, “Jerusalemfriendfinders.com”, or ,“BangBus!”, comments either. That’s not what this is about.

I mean, yes, if we expected Jesus to come back and act like every other adult male finding the Internet, you could make the case he would spend the first two years looking at porn, gambling, filling out fantasy team rosters, and trying to figure out how to pull chicks without leaving the house. We’ve all been there. But somehow, I think the Son of God would try to do more.

This is a question to…ok, maybe more of an indictment of…all of the self-righteous White Hat SEO’s. Apparently, it’s that time of year again when we must all classify each other’s Color of Intent. I am not nice to the Internet sometimes. I’ll admit it. I have sinned. But am I a Black Hat or Gray Hat? No. I consider myself a Hard Hat ‘cuz I’m just trying to do work, son.

Just because you did not purchase links, spam blog comments, or form a Digg Ring to rank your site, it does not mean Jesus would link to your “white hat” Anal Lube site. Do not get all holier than thou on me if your contribution to the Internet is a site that pressures children to take up smoking…but has immaculate, editorial backlinks. That is not more appealing to the Good Lord than a Christian Debt Consolidation site built on blood, sweat, and spam. At least I’m trying to help his followers honor their obligations.

Lastly, the answer is: href=”http://www.google.com” rel=”nofollow” because Kool-Aid drinking webmasters all seem to think Google is more powerful than the dude who built the universe in seven days. But not even Jesus completely buys into that Do No Evil horsesh*t.

Amen.

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  1. Commented by TheMadHat at 9th October 2007, 8:53 pm

    I just classified this as my favorite post of the year! The real question is would Google link to Jesus…or would that be considered a paid link?

  2. Commented by Gyutae Park at 9th October 2007, 9:02 pm

    Blasphemy.

  3. Commented by Brian at 9th October 2007, 9:07 pm

    The Jesus part or the Google part, Gyutae?

  4. Commented by Dave Davies at 9th October 2007, 11:12 pm

    OK … that’s just awesome. :)

  5. Commented by Faris at 9th October 2007, 11:36 pm

    WWJLT…How can you resist a title like that…hillarious. Not to mention your Rob and Big reference.

  6. Commented by Cygnus at 10th October 2007, 11:26 am

    I know where’d he’d link:
    http://www.venganza.org/

  7. Commented by Cygnus at 10th October 2007, 11:29 am

    Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster gets my vote as his homepage.

  8. Commented by Todd Mintz at 10th October 2007, 1:12 pm

    The “Hard Hat” analogy is almost as good as WWJLT.

  9. Commented by Nomadishere at 11th October 2007, 12:46 pm

    LMAO - well said B.

  10. Commented by Chris at 13th October 2007, 9:30 am

    Would Jesus use nofollow? I think he would want to help his brothers.

  11. Commented by Lucas Ng at 14th October 2007, 9:37 pm

    What if Jesus was a SEO consultant?

    Would Jesus pay the Devil to park his domain portfolio?

    Would Jesus ask his 12 Apostles to turn his primo domain into a portal for the repentant? (conversion rates would be spectacular)

    Would Jesus employ Matthew, Mark, Luke and John as linkbaiters; (How to create the world in 7 days, [PIC]Awesome Party Trick: Turn Water Into Wine)

    Would Jesus look to consolidate his vertical? (aggregate Islam with a friendly takeover?)

  12. Commented by chris at 15th October 2007, 8:12 am

    Hard Hat Internet Marketing - that is an eBook / Website / take money from the masses title if I have ever heard one!

  13. Commented by Diane Aull at 15th October 2007, 3:07 pm

    Speaking as an actual honest-to-goodness preacher’s kid, I have to say: brilliant! I also love the hard hat analogy. I think Jesus would link to this post…

  14. Commented by fumbleson at 15th October 2007, 3:44 pm

    Fantastically funny post, man. Multiple zingers. ;)

  15. Commented by battery apple at 16th October 2007, 9:56 pm

    I agree with you.
    The “Hard Hat” analogy is almost as good as WWJLT.

  16. Commented by Will Scott at 19th October 2007, 10:34 am

    “‘cuz I’m just trying to do [the good Lord's] work, son”

    Fantastic!

    Holy **** that was good.

  17. Commented by Jesus at 21st October 2007, 3:43 pm

    Uhm…

    But you’re nofollowing me as we speak.
    Dad damn you.

  18. Commented by Affordable Insurance at 31st October 2007, 2:36 pm

    OK. I have had my morning chuckle and I have book marked your site……….

    Jesus would link to You Porn at least for the first couple of years…..I think he would delete his cookies and browsing history after every “session” to protect the guilty.

    Funny stuff.

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